Relief Isn't the Same as Healing—Why Jesus Wants to Meet us in our Pain

Jesus wept (John 11:35). When I was a kid, I thought it was funny. Finally, a memory verse I didn’t have to work for. Bring on the Sunday school prize candy, I’ve got this one. Quickly remembered, but just as quickly forgotten. I didn’t forget the words…I always knew the words, I just didn’t know them. You know what I mean? They never got down deep where they could change me.

Here’s the story…

I was two days into a Christian conference—great speakers, great worship, and a great time seeking the Lord. During one of the evening sessions, I knew I needed to go up for ministry/ prayer/altar call…whatever the response time was going to look like, I needed to go.

I’m not usually a go-up-to-front kind of person so I was surprised at how determined I was. Also a little fearful that the speaker would call people up for a specific need that I clearly didn’t have. But I was going. The time came. I went. I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t really have any expectations other than I knew the Lord was going to meet me there. I was certainly open to whatever he wanted to do…I just never would have guessed he would do what he did.

But let’s rewind a few thousand years.

In John 11, Jesus gets word that Lazarus, the one that he loves, is sick. He waits around for a few days. Lazarus dies. By the time Jesus gets there, he has already been in his tomb for four days. When Mary finally sees Jesus, she falls at his feet saying, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died (John 11:32).”

And Jesus wept…with Mary…

…just like he did with me.

I thought I was open to whatever the Lord wanted to do at that conference, but apparently, by “open”, I meant that I had a handful of preselected options that I would allow Jesus to work within based on what I thought my biggest needs were.

Weeping with me wasn’t one of the options.

I was looking for healing, redemption, payback, encouragement—I wanted wrongs that had been done to be undone. I wanted to encounter him and be changed. I wanted a marked moment in my life. I wanted to come away with a testimony that would rock the nations of how good God is…and I did. Actually, I got all of the above, but I almost missed it.

Does Jesus heal Lazarus? Yes. He said so when he found out he was sick. He told his disciples he was going to “wake him up”. He told Martha that her brother would rise again.

So, if his plan is to bring healing, why stop to weep? Why did he wait two days before leaving  to see him in the first place?  In Matthew 8, Jesus heals a Roman Centurion's servant without even going to where he was. Did he even have to go to heal Lazarus?

Instead of bringing the things that I think would have been useful to the situation (like, I don’t know…maybe healing or resurrection), he brought himself. He. Brought. Himself. Instead of bringing a few things, did he just bring everything? It’s beautiful…it’s also frustrating.

Jesus wanted to meet me in the last place I wanted to be…my pain. I was broken, and broken again (and probably again). I was full of fear, shame, and doubt. I had questions. I chose brokenness. There was brokenness that I didn’t choose, but was put on me. I may have said that I wanted healing, but I think I really just wanted to be medicated. I didn't want to feel pain anymore. I’d been carrying it around for so long. Isn’t sitting in it with Jesus going the opposite direction? 

Unfortunately for me, relief isn’t the same thing as healing. He wants to weep with us. That might be where healing really begins.